somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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