Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
