You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
