Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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