I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
