So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
