Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
