Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
