Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All the doctor said was why
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
