I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize