You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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