My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
