she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
