but the lizard people decide everything anyway
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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