So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
