Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
