about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
