I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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