I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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