You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there was a trapeze. enough said
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
