I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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