hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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