Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
