I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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