I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
