No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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