I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize