I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
