paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
