i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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