I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
