4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
