I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
