is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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