Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
