She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
