textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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