just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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