My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish you could order shots online.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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