I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
