I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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