I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
