im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
