Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
