it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
