found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
