You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
