Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
