just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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