Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm both gender and math confused
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
