so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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