..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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