Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
this is an emotional support booty call
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are a genius and a whore.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
