Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My liver just broke up with me...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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