she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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