i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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