Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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