i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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