haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
