How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
