Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
