The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
