theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
