out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
