In the future we'll all be gay
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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