Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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