omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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