what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
