it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
