I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
