if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
