So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
