my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
