Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My hand turned me down
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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