She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
