my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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