I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
