if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
