My nipple is on Facebook.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
