He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
